Merry Christmas, fuckers!

Here's some song lyrics, because I'm a lazy asshole. Appropriate to the season, methinks.

Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the day
I just can’t wait till christmas time
When I can grope you in the hay

Easy come, easy go
Have a good time with lots of dough
Slippin’ up high, slippin’ down low
Love’m and leave’m on with the show

Listen, I like female form in minimal dress
Money to spend with a capital ’s’
Get a date with the woman in red
Wanna be in heaven with three in a bed

He got it, I want it
They got it, I can’t have it
But I want it, it don’t matter
She got it, but I can’t get it
I want a mistress for christmas

Easy come, easy go
Slippin’ high, slippin’ low

He got it, I want it
They got it, I can’t have it
I want it, don’t matter
She got it, and I can’t get a -
Mistress for christmas

You know what I’m talkin’ about
I want the woman in red with bow in my bed

I can hear you coming down my smoke stack
I wanna ride on your raindeer honey and ring the bells, yeah.

In a perfect world...

Scene: An office, during lunch break. Present are a white, chinese, black, jewish, and mexican worker.

Whitey: Did you get my memo, Darkie?
Darkie: yessuh, I sho' did. I'ma get ta work on runnin them papers over to the human resources dept. exits
Whitey: Ah, having deliveries stuffed into basketballs and having hoops for inboxes was a great idea. Chinkey, did you finish computing the company's projected sales for 2010? I gave you the assignment 10 minutes ago!
Chinkey: ahhh so! projected sares are 10 birrion dorrars, give or take a few pennies.
Heebey: A few pennies! Take them! Covet them! Invest them and turn in a huge profit! Buy more bagels!
Whitey: Easy there, Heebey. Here, take these ducats and start a successful accounting firm.
Heebey exits, foaming at the mouth
Whitey: So all that remains is to give Beaney his assignment, say, Bean-- asleep again! Well, we love him anyway!

[Due to my need to live up to my reputation as an equal opportunity offender, here is some bonus footage or whatever]

Scene: the office at night, present is Whitey.

Whitey: huddled in a corner with dice, an assortment of books, and some junkfood: Yes! I rolled a 20! My level 23 wizard casts fireball! snorting with laughter, which transforms into tears. I am so utterly alone! there is no cohesion betwixt the white man, no brotherhood! moves to his computer, beginning a long, un-fufilling masturbation process largely involving japanese anime-porn. This is my life! woe unto me! I shall snuff out my life, like a small white candle! opens a window and walks onto the ledge. Ok, here I go.... looks down. Argh! I forgot that white men can't jump! Curses that I must live out my remaining years in utter misery! Well, at least I can quench my thirst for schadenfreude, by robbing my co-workers blind! Bwahahahah! in the darkness, something stirs. What's that, then? Darkie, is that you? shuffling continues, louder and louder. Stay away from me-- ACK! Whitey suffers from a fatal heart attack and falls off the ledge.

Do you want to know who it was, shuffling in the distance? It was none other than Max, looking for his lost love, Mina. Keep on shufflin', Max!

[so ends the special feature, If you think it was bad, then you can chomp a cock]

The moral of the story is, when people realize that there are differences between races, we can harness these special talents to increase productivity.

New Strip

I've been thinking of creating a comic strip titled "in a perfect world" or some such bullshit. Anywho, the first strip I ever make will go like this:

Enter, stage right, a woman, approaching the payroll guy at an office
Payroll guy gives her her check
she "ahems"
He backhands her, and gives her that remaining 24 cents to the dollar.

FINITO!

A week's time

Well as most of you know, WoW has been taking up all of my time. So rather than bitch and whine about how lonely I may be, or what a hollow lie of a life I'm leading, I think I'll play WoW.

What News?

rask, I"ve got nothing, it was just bugging me that I hadn't updated. But here's something that will spark massive controversy: Led Zeppelin is nowhere near as good as AC/DC. In fact, it's nowhere near as good as a lot of things. Suck on that, you damned musical fanboys

What News?

Heh, I found a website that I am absolutely sure will be just like my ex's in a few years. Special reccomendation: The not so lucky guys page. For those who knew what talking to Sylvia online was like, you'll see the uncanny resemblance. http://packedpowder.com/pigeonkara/


P.S. If you still read this, Sylvia, then you should know that I still miss you, but you done me wrong.