Goddamit! Fuck you, Fuck you, Fuck you in the ass!

It turns out we're getting evicted on april 30th 2006 because our goddamned nigger-lover landlord wants our apartment. There's too much anger to write more.

You know who I hate?

People. Especially the ones who comment anonymously on my website. Go swallow rusty nails, you limp-dick fag-fuckers, or grow a pair, or a brain, and sign your comments. Henceforth unsigned comments are deleted comments.

You fuckers make me sick

Honestly. I'm gone for 3 days and I come back to this? I've lost faith in my viewership, so I think
I'll just write hate articles about everyone I know, just to be safe.


In other news, the only thing gayer than all of you is airport security, and if I wasn't so hopping mad, I'd tell you why.


Furthermore, for those who accuse me of being a maddox rip-off, you should see his second to latest. Clearly, that malicious, mustached man was an idiot the whole time, and we only just now found it out. If you are too stupid to figure out what I'm referencing (likely) here is the link.

For those of you who will come whining to me that he was being sarcastic the whole time, take note:

Elansam (11:41:28 PM): dude...
Elansam (11:41:31 PM): he's being sarcastic
Elansam (11:41:37 PM): he hates Ben Stiller
CrazedCommando (11:41:56 PM): no, that's a subject that even sarcasm isnt enough to hide behind

Post-Game Analysis

Well, I'm still alive, and word around the office is that all involved parties had a good laugh at the whole affair. I also hear tell that there is currently forming an Anti-Eli Coalition, but what do I care? Like I said before, I'd rather live in infamy than obscurity, and here I am living out my dream. But that's all there is to say on the matter.

In other news, Led Zeppelin is a good band that I grossly underrated, but AC/DC and Elvis are still better.

You know what I hate? Anti-tobacco lobbyists. But since I ain't got time for jibba-jabba, I won't explain it to you.

Thanks a lot, anonymous poster #2

Your completely true comment, "Fuck this shit. Why are you such a fucking asshole that you have to post this fucking shit online. if you have a problem with anyone take it up with them yourself and dont take the pussy way out and post some stupid shit online, especially if your later just going to claim that its a joke. you are one sorry ass mother fucker if you find it funny to talk shit about some kid you hardly know and are probably just jealous of behind there back. to be honest, ben has a shitload of friends who, unlike you are not afraid to take shit up with people to their face. so just watch it and dont ever talk shit about my friend again, dead serious just watch yourself tomorrow." Has really struck a nerve. Now let me dissect your little diatribe.

Why are you such a fucking asshole that you have to post this fucking shit online.

Would you rather me print up fliers and distribute them around school?

if you have a problem with anyone take it up with them yourself and dont take the pussy way out and post some stupid shit online, especially if your later just going to claim that its a joke.

I'm going to get carpal tunnel (or however the fuck you spell it) syndrome telling you all that there isn't, and never was, any problem. Just a fat internet nerd's way of venting teenage angst. And I didn't later claim it was a joke, this site, as well as my xanga, has never been taken seriously by anyone who read it until now.

you are one sorry ass mother fucker if you find it funny to talk shit about some kid you hardly know and are probably just jealous of behind there back.

Well there's a novel thought. Almost everyone gossips, and I won't deny that I'm jealous of Ben. Consider that a victory, if you want. I don't give 2 shits.

to be honest, ben has a shitload of friends who, unlike you are not afraid to take shit up with people to their face.

Ok, you definitely should not have added this one in. Posting on the comment section is hardly taking shit up in my face. You should have just sucker-punched me in-between classes. But then I'd've sued, and won in the end.

so just watch it and dont ever talk shit about my friend again, dead serious just watch yourself tomorrow.

If not for this last sentence, I'd have shaken this all of as a big bunch of unpleasantness. Now this part is for Ben. Ben, regardless of the fact that I said I wanted to chop off your dick, and that I hated your abercrombie and fitch clothes, clearly, your rabid friend has gone too far. It's gotten to where a kid needs to consider bringing a hammer to school to protect his right to free speech.


My final word on the subject: This is almost exactly the same thing as what happened to another Ben, who said some shit about Lewis Dvorkin (his situation a little more severe, methinks). Point is, I won't be harassed at school for some obvious bullshit I posted on a website. Now, I won't go all "columbine" as some have suggested, but I will take these threats to the highest authority, regardless of what it does to my reputation. You guys are like crazed fanatics, and you all need to calm the fuck down.

The End.

IF PEOPLE ARE STILL GOOGLING "BEN SPINRAD" THEY OUGHT TO READ THIS!!!

Or not, whatever. Since someone aptly named "anonymous" has made a threat against my life, I figure I might as well tell my adoring public so they know whatever tragic (And wholly undeserved) fate befalls me. A long way back, I wrote an article, myah: http://www.crazedcommando.com/2004/10/you-know-what-i-hate.html

It appears some fool gone done taken it seriously, so I guess I have to clear things up. I already gave my list of reasons why the angry people commenting on my site are jackasses, so let me just sum it up real quick: THIS IS ALL A BIG JOKE!! HAHA! FUNNY! And to any of you that will probably say "oh, you're just saying that to cover your ass, which I'm still gonna kick", I say: FUCK YOU. That's right, fuck you right in your swollen, leaky asshole. I put up with enough shit at school that I don't need a bunch of clods threatening me. So now its my turn to threaten. If you all decide to "jump" me, you had better kill me, because the second I come out of that coma, no force on this earth will stop me from killing you. You can enter in the witness protection program, you can set homeland security on me, you can try to get me expelled. But I'll be back in a month or 2, with a big club, or one of my many swords.

Of course, the likelyhood of all that going down is slim, because I'm sure Ben (and friends of Ben) will realize that I'm just an internet jerk with a tendency to hate and belittle for no reason. They'll forget about me, and forget about this crappy little website.

And for the record, I never called him a poser, getta you fucking facts straight. Mammamia

-E



P.S. Sorry to Ben Spinrad and band for having my site show up before your band's when you do a google. A great injustice has "Ben" done. Haha, that's a pun. And a Rhyme. Every time.

Whoop-de-do

Note that the title has nothing to do with the following post; my PR guy said abstract titles sell.

Anyway, I'm really only updating because I'm sick of that shit-ridden post from New Years being on top. I have nothing to rant about at the time, and no news that any of you fucks would care about. If you didn't see it here: http://www.livejournal.com/users/fuxd/23066.html, I made a very convincing case against Jimi Hendrix's place as best guitarist. The point is, well I have no point, but my sharp wit is still the pointiest!

Happy fucking new years

Woohoo! Another year of zany adventures and madcap hijinks! And to start the year off, here's a comic strip from funnyman extraordinaire Teo:




Schmuck 1 - I'm really glad my doctor game me Xanthanx -
the flu sucks

Schmuck 2 - Hold on there, wasnt Xanthax removed from the
market for inducing suicide?

Schmuck 1 - Pfft nonsense, stop being such a naive prick
and help me fit your toaster in the bathtub.

Mail all bombs to 117 w26th street 10010 ny, ny if you didn't like it